Thursday, August 11, 2016

Landslide Brought You Down?

Sometimes life can feel utterly overwhelming and yesterday was like that for me and many people I know. I couldn't hold back or maintain "composure". I cried getting massaged and afterward too. I pulled myself together to spend time with my boys, and again found that the swelling of emotions just kept spilling over.

At the end of the day I found myself crying on the floor at a toy store. I had just made a mindful plea wishing I just had a friend to sit with me. Minutes later an old friend I hadn't seen in years walked right by me and upon a second look realized who I was. She sat with me for a while and listened to the snapshot of what was going on and held space for me. We hugged and I thanked her for being there for me.

On the way home I saw the way the light was breaking through the storm clouds and in that moment I identified with that. God wants the light to break forth through me. God is working a beautiful miracle within me and bringing light to some of the darkest parts of my experiences. I am reminded that in the tempestuous storm a new day always comes and light follows the dark.

God is excellent at new beginnings. I've noticed a pattern over the years in my life and they tend to be big sweeping changes all at once. Rather than the painstaking process of having me remodel an outmoded belief system he sends in a landslide. He takes care of the demolition and tells me it's time to move forward and be open to new things however they show up. My job then becomes to love what is.

As I search for meaning in all of this, in all the feelings of nothingness I wrestle a bit with ego on self-worth. Ego would have me believe that I'm a failure and that I'm weak and incapable. Ego would have me believe that my worth is directly correlated to the status of my bank account, relationships, career, or any other constructs it deems "worthy" of importance.

What am I left with when nearly everything has systematically been removed, taken away, or walked out of my life? What is left when I'm left with next to nothing? What happens when you've hit rock bottom before in your life and come to realize that there's a new rock bottom you never expected?

Well, I'm here to tell you and to remind myself that in the wake of the storm the only thing that's left is you—beautiful, adorable, sweet and messy you. All that's left is what you started with and that's Love. Nothing can add or take away your value. You are valuable simply because you exist and that's all there is to it.

As I reflect on how I have been feeling I am grateful that I am feeling. I'm grateful for beautiful people in my life who encourage me to be vulnerable, authentic, and honor myself. They remind me of who I am, that there is strength even in weakness, that things will work out, and I'll be stronger for it. 

I am grateful to have the ease of access to so many wonderful outlets and resources and for the power of my God-given gifts and abilities, especially my voice. I am grateful to experience healing on so many levels for myself and for the privilege of being able to hold space and witness others do the same for themselves. I'm grateful for the ugly tears and sadness and for laughter that also brings cleansing.


So, my fellow Warriors of Love, when in doubt love yourself more! Take it one moment and one day at a time. You're not alone in your suffering or your pain and someday a little bit of joy might creep in again. And when you're not sure what to do, practice nurturing and being with yourself. After all, you are your own best investment. Remember where there is peace, clarity, and joy there is your path. It may not logically make sense and that's okay. Just lean into the discomfort and trust that God and the entire Universe have got your back. You'll be okay. I promise. Love on Warriors, love on.

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