Growth Becomes Me

When I started an alternative school a year ago I knew this was the place I needed to be at this time in my life. I did not realize what I was really signing up for & how much time & energy I would put into it, and consequently invest in myself. This school, the experience, is what you make of it. I have truly transformed into a renewed woman and if I were to read the “story” of how I did life before, I wouldn't believe it was the same person standing here.

I used to ask God the “Why me?” question. The questions I use more often are now:

·                 Why not me?

·                 What would you have me learn? Am I willing to learn it?

·                 What do you want me to do with this information & how could I use it to bless myself and others through you?

·                 What is it I really want?

·                 What will I do to create a new truth today?

The answers are not always immediately clear, or in the way, or time-frame I’d like. The answers will always come. They are replied to in the commanding affirmatives:

·                 You learn well.

·                 I have nourished and nurtured you all these years.

·                 I trust you. You have gifts to bless those around you and I know you will do it with love, compassion, and empathy. You can relate.

·                 I love you passionately and want you to know and feel me personally.

·                 You are a co-creator. The word is creative. Speak well & speak wisely.

From the present looking back I am able to see a different perspective. God does not make mistakes. He creates miracles! My greatest gifts and lessons have come from the darkest & most anguished parts of life experiences. For it is in the darkness that my greatest treasures can be found as I focus on the light I see there.

Some of the hardest things this last year were learning to walk away. In the Four Agreements it states, “If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don't need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.” I have learned to make different choices and to stand up for myself. I have learned to change my thought processes. 

Changes in belief systems always precede a change in behavior. It is not until we fully recognize the what, when, how, and why of the belief that we can come to a place of greater awareness & informed choosing. We must come to an understanding of what our behavior costs us & what it is we really want. Is what you're doing getting you what you really want? Or, is what you're doing getting you what you fear most?

You create that which you most concern yourself with, what you put the most thought, time and energy into. That which we resist persists. I believed that I was unworthy of love & I found a way to validate my erroneous and egotistical belief. I even blocked my relationship with God because I felt I didn't even deserve his love. 

When we clarify our intent and purpose life happens more beautifully. We become clean, pure, whole, and full of light. We find joy and peace in purposeful living.

In processing one of my favorite questions asked are, "What is the truth about you? What is the whole truth? What have you learned from these experiences? Who have you become because of this?"

I now know these truths: I love myself enough to let go of huge fears that get in the way of having fun & enjoying outings with my family. I am vulnerable, open & honest. I am willing to get out of my zone of extreme safety and try some new things, and who knows, I might even like them. I am balanced in family, friends, and work. My family remains my first priority & I continue to learn and grow from them.

I live my life passionately, clearly, and with power and purpose. I look in the mirror and think, “Damn, I look good! How did I get to be so lucky to be me?” Yes, I am confident & self-assured. I speak & live in my truth. I know who I am. I am beautiful, kind, loving, and there’s no one else quite like me. I am my own person. I look forward to helping others transcend their painful experiences into positive passion and self-love as I have for myself. I grow in grace & I grow in God. Growth and healing becomes me. I am miraculous.