My heart is a bit tender
this evening. As I reflect upon a few things I realize I am afraid of being all
of me. I'm afraid of being amazing, big, intense, and stepping into my role as
an influencer on a larger scale. God did not give me the experiences and
personality I have to sit still and be quiet with. No, I am personally and
intricately designed to speak my truth, to share my experiences, to teach from
my heart, and to inspire transcendence of the old into the new in a very
outward manner. I am a young soul and I am here to shine.
I have been resisting this
truth a lot lately. I've resisted because I know stepping into my truth more
fully and consistently (practicing it daily) means that I am responsible and
accountable for what I do with the gifts I have been given. God is keenly aware
of me and is rooting for my thriving and in fact, I agreed to uphold that part
of the deal. God trusts me. The problem is I don’t allow myself to trust me. I
want to get it all “right” and “perfect” and that is a shame illusion straight
from the ego center.
Come with me as I process through some of the path revelations inside my head: *Some Emily-isms or Em-words do appear. So if you say to yourself, “hey that’s not a real word,” realize in my world it totally is and it counts.
Come with me as I process through some of the path revelations inside my head: *Some Emily-isms or Em-words do appear. So if you say to yourself, “hey that’s not a real word,” realize in my world it totally is and it counts.
Somehow I keep lying to
myself about my path, calling, life purpose, etc. I am in resistance to it. The
directives to my path or mission should I choose to accept them is as follows
(though in no particular order)…
Write a book,
or books: I cringe at the mere
suggestion of multiple cohesive texts coming through me. *Barf* given the
nausea, I’m betting more than one is entirely necessary at some point. Gee,
thanks God. One thing is for sure, I’ll need a heck of an editor to work with
all my randomness that makes sense to me, but not necessarily to most people.
Speak at conferences: Yeah, for a girl who can pretty much talk all the
time I somehow have myself fooled into thinking a few things:
1. I wouldn't have anything
to talk about
2. It wouldn't sound
cohesive
3. I would not stay on
topic
4. No one would take me
seriously
5. It would be too
personal or vulnerable & people could get triggered
Can you tell I have put
myself in a box and pretended like I’m a cat & can’t get out of it?! Yeah,
I’m not a cat though, am I? Darn. Oh, I just realized I have all sorts of
judgment towards myself, lovely.
I do have the voices of several supportive friends in my head at this very moment actually laughing at the idea of my staying on one topic, and yes they have done so in real life. It is because they love and know me, and that my gifts are best served with a diversified portfolio of information. Can you imagine me with one hyper focused topic? If that’s the case, I may as well be a Cyclops with a laser piercing you to the heart. I don’t think that approach would work out very well in the long run. Duck and cover, run and hide.
I do have the voices of several supportive friends in my head at this very moment actually laughing at the idea of my staying on one topic, and yes they have done so in real life. It is because they love and know me, and that my gifts are best served with a diversified portfolio of information. Can you imagine me with one hyper focused topic? If that’s the case, I may as well be a Cyclops with a laser piercing you to the heart. I don’t think that approach would work out very well in the long run. Duck and cover, run and hide.
Teaching: Um, what would I teach exactly? Soul Integrity at
some point, though I can see where after a few years I’ll want to do something
different. I ask myself, “Is it worth doing if I know I’ll end up doing
something else later on?” YES. The answer is ALWAYS, “YES!” Go where the passion is. I’m all about new
beginnings and learning something new. Of course my teaching would reflect my
personality—duh, I already knew that.
I naturally teach all the time, though I have been learning that it is not always my job to do so. If it is not in my stewardship or clearly inspired for me to do so, I try really hard to sit on my figurative hands and keep my thoughts to myself. Not all thoughts are designed to be shared at all times, in all things, or in all places. To everything there is a season and a seasoned practice-er who listens and speaks intuitively with their heart.
Life Coaching: This one seems to be okay since I currently feel like it is further away or ahead. If it is distanced, somehow it doesn't seem like a big deal at all and I can keep pretending. It’s like rear-view mirrors—objects in the mirror are closer than they appear. I swear that one was in my blind spot and the sun was at just the right angle & I didn't see that one coming. Yeah, still a form of denial, bummer. If I’m not careful it will hit me in the face when I’m not looking where I’m going.
What does a life coach do exactly? I’m still not sure, but it is on the menu of things to do according to my life on God’s plan, so it will happen sometime. Is there a life coaching school? I have this thing with being certified and accredited to some degree of professionalism. Maybe a life coach will mentor me at some point. Yeah, that would be awesome. I am referring to a physical person on earth. God’s an awesome coach and all, but I am in need of living books to learn from firsthand who also go with that kind of flow.
Honestly, I’d feel a lot more comfortable practicing as a Marriage and Family Therapist or a Psychologist. That was my original plan before anything else in my life happened. Yes, I was 16 when I realized I wanted to go into therapy as a profession. Heck, psychology books are what I read for fun, and given the amount of time and money I have spent in the last decade I’d say I have extensive individual job shadowing of several therapists—6 years’ worth so far, to be exact.
The title of Psychologist feels safer, more contained, predictable, & has defined legal parameters. And as I write that I then remember that too much structure and rules without enough flexibility and bending would be the death of me. I would likely end up hating it. So, Life Coaching it will be, even though I still have no clue what that would look like.
Here’s to jumping into the depths of the unknown. Wish me luck! The multitude awaits.
I naturally teach all the time, though I have been learning that it is not always my job to do so. If it is not in my stewardship or clearly inspired for me to do so, I try really hard to sit on my figurative hands and keep my thoughts to myself. Not all thoughts are designed to be shared at all times, in all things, or in all places. To everything there is a season and a seasoned practice-er who listens and speaks intuitively with their heart.
Life Coaching: This one seems to be okay since I currently feel like it is further away or ahead. If it is distanced, somehow it doesn't seem like a big deal at all and I can keep pretending. It’s like rear-view mirrors—objects in the mirror are closer than they appear. I swear that one was in my blind spot and the sun was at just the right angle & I didn't see that one coming. Yeah, still a form of denial, bummer. If I’m not careful it will hit me in the face when I’m not looking where I’m going.
What does a life coach do exactly? I’m still not sure, but it is on the menu of things to do according to my life on God’s plan, so it will happen sometime. Is there a life coaching school? I have this thing with being certified and accredited to some degree of professionalism. Maybe a life coach will mentor me at some point. Yeah, that would be awesome. I am referring to a physical person on earth. God’s an awesome coach and all, but I am in need of living books to learn from firsthand who also go with that kind of flow.
Honestly, I’d feel a lot more comfortable practicing as a Marriage and Family Therapist or a Psychologist. That was my original plan before anything else in my life happened. Yes, I was 16 when I realized I wanted to go into therapy as a profession. Heck, psychology books are what I read for fun, and given the amount of time and money I have spent in the last decade I’d say I have extensive individual job shadowing of several therapists—6 years’ worth so far, to be exact.
The title of Psychologist feels safer, more contained, predictable, & has defined legal parameters. And as I write that I then remember that too much structure and rules without enough flexibility and bending would be the death of me. I would likely end up hating it. So, Life Coaching it will be, even though I still have no clue what that would look like.
Here’s to jumping into the depths of the unknown. Wish me luck! The multitude awaits.
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